My practice today was paying attention to body sensations. When an emotion arises for me, I have a physical response somewhere in my body. The most common place for a sensation to arise in my body is in my belly. When I was worried about something today, I felt burning in my stomach. And, when I was hungry, there were hunger pains in my stomach. What can be tricky is that the hunger pains can trigger worry or the worry can trigger hunger messages to my brain. I think this may be the reason I overeat sometimes or worry when there is nothing to worry about. When I’m not paying attention,you can can see how this can lead to quite a bit of unconscious behavior.
Being sick brings up all sorts of suffering for me. The internal voices are brutal. “You probably didn’t eat right. That’s why your sick.” “You are such a wimp. You should just go to work anyway.” The feelings of guilt are incredibly strong. When I see this judgement from a distance, I know that it is not my friend. In fact, if someone said these things to me, I’d tell them to shut their pie-hole. It’s as if being sick isn’t bad enough that I have to hear a whole litany of reasons why I’m a bad person. Then, I’m not only physically sick but mentally “ill” as well.